Friday, December 07, 2007

Dear Santa


Dear Santa:

I've been a good Mom all year. I've fed, cleaned, and cuddled my two children on demand, visited the doctor's office more than my doctor, sold sixty-two cases of candy bars to raise money to plant a shade tree on the school playground and figured out how to attach nine patches onto my daughter's Girl Scout sash with staples and a glue gun. I was hoping you could spread my list out over several Christmases, since I had to write this letter with my son's red crayon, on the back of a receipt in the laundry room between cycles, and who knows when I'll find anymore free time in the next 18 years.

Here are my Christmas wishes:

I'd like a pair of legs that don't ache after a day of chasing kids (in any color, except purple, which I already have) and arms that don't flap in the breeze, but are strong enough to carry a screaming toddler out of the candy aisle in the grocery store.

I'd also like a waist, since I lost mine somewhere in the seventh month of my last pregnancy. If you're hauling big ticket items this year I'd like a car with fingerprint resistant windows and a radio that only plays adult music; a television that doesn't broadcast any programs containing talking animals; and a refrigerator with a secret compartment behind the crisper where I can hide to talk on the phone.

On the practical side, I could use a talking daughter doll that says, "Yes, Mommy" to boost my parental confidence, along with one potty-trained toddler, two kids who don't fight, and three pairs of jeans that will zip all the way up without the use of power tools. I could also use a recording of Tibetan monks changing, "Don't eat in the living room" and "Take your hands off your brother," because my voice seems to be just out of my children's hearing range and can only be heard by the dog. And please don't forget the Playdoh Travel Pack, the stocking stuffer this year for mothers of preschoolers. It comes in three fluorescent colors and is guaranteed to crumble on any carpet making the in-laws' house seem just like mine.

If it's too late to find any of these products, I'd settle for enough time to brush my teeth and comb my hair in the same morning, or the luxury of eating food warmer than room temperature without it being served in a Styrofoam container. If you don't mind I could also use a few Christmas miracles to brighten the holiday season. Would it be too much trouble to declare ketchup a vegetable? It will clear my conscience immensely. It would be helpful if you could coerce my children to help around the house without demanding payment as if they were the bosses of an organized crime family; or if my toddler didn't look so cute sneaking downstairs to eat contraband ice cream in his pajamas at midnight.

Well, Santa, the buzzer on the dryer is ringing and my son saw my feet under the laundry room door. I think he wants his crayon back. Have a safe trip and remember to leave your wet boots by the chimney and come in and dry off by the fire so you don't catch cold. Help yourself to cookies on the table, but don't eat too many or leave crumbs on the carpet.

Yours Always,


P.S. One more thing.. you can cancel all my requests if you can keep my children young for a little while longer.

This was copied off of JJJASPER.COM.....

The read this at our MOPS meeting today and I wanted to share it with you all. Have a great weekend...I'm baking alot this weekend and tomorrow is my birthday I will be 33.


Sandra said...

I loved this Jen, it's really sweet and boy can I relate to a lot of it LOL

Sgt and Mrs Hub said...

What a great read - especially for MOPS! They had to start putting out kleenex boxes on each table because of all the tears that were flowing every meeting from the stuff our leader was reading.

I hope you have a great weekend - HAPPY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Have fun with the baking and celebrating!


{Karla} said...

happy early birthday!


Barb @ A Chelsea Morning said...

Boy, everything about this letter to Santa rings so true, Jen. How sweet this is.

I hope you're planning something special tomorrow. 33 sounds so young! Happy, happy birthday!

Karen said...

Well, have a wonderful birthday tomorrow! Oh, to be 33 again!
Happy Birthday;)

gail@more than a song said...

Happy birthday Jen! I hope you have a good birthday weekend.
That letter is so, so true and what a great thing to share, enjoyed it!

Kelli said...

Happy Birthday, Jen! I hope you have a wonderful day tomorrow. The santa letter was too cute!
My fireplace project was *very* easy. The frame pulled right off. I cleaned out the wood and ashes and set up the frame. I got the frame at Walmart for 36.00 which I thought was a great price!


Tina Leigh said...

Jen u r 33 years young!!!!!! Happy Happy Birthday to you!!!I hope u have a great day today! Thanks for that way tooooo cute letter! So true all the way down to the part of keeping the kids little!! Have a great weekend!

As We Sail... said...

I found myself longing for the same thing, but mine are all grown up now.
Hope you get to do something nice for your birthday

Michelle said...

thanks for posting this:)hey we're 10 days apart for birthdays and I'm three years older than you..:) hope that you had a great day,